this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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