I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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