this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Randomize
