Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
