Just fell off a train. Bad.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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