i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
