There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize