I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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