It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
