I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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