I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize