based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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