The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
