i need an iv and a liver transplant
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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