You smell like stripper and shame
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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