Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
