her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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