I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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