I accidentally burped into my bong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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