Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
