you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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