the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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