I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize