I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
