could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
