last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize