3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
