Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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