i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
