Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
