making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
