i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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