she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
