Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
