the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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