we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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