I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
