Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
