oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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