I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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