He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
