Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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