It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
