I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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