I'm so fucking centered right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize