I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize