I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
