Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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