Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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