Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
