Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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