The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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