she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
