Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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