you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
