just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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