Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
