i jhust puked up my retainher.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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