You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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