Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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